The Gallery

15:59

mumble mumble, mumble mumble, shuffle shuffle SQUEAK. mumble mumble, mumble mumble, shuffle shuffle BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

16:00

sniffle snuffle, shuffle shuffle, chinstroke chinstroke BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

16:01

16:02

mumbBEEEEEEEEEEEPmumblemumblemuBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

“Sorry, would you mind?”

“What?”

“Your arm. The alarm. When you point across the barrier, it sets the alarm off.”

Unfriendly grimace. Silence.

“Well, it’s very annoying, you see. This is a gallery.”

“Okay.”

16:03

delightful silence

16:04

16:05

16:06

delightful silence, delightful siBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

JESUS.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

AM I THE LAST INTELLIGENT PERSON LEFT IN THE WESTERN HEMISBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

I SAY! TUBBY! ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORON? CAN’T YOU BLOODY WELL SEE THAT WHEN YOU WAVE YOUR FAT, FLABBY ARM AROUND LIKE A PERFORMING BLOODY SEAL, IT SETS THE ALARM OFF? DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO POKE YOUR GREASY FINGERS ALL OVER THE PAINTINGS?!?!?! LOOK!!!!”

arm wave

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

arm wave

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

arm wave

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

NOW DO YOU SEE? HAD IT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOUR TINY LITTLE BRAIN THAT THE ALARM AND YOUR ARM WERE IN PERFECT HARMONY?”

applause

cheering

shame-faced exit

16.07

delightful silence, delightful silence

15:59

mumble mumble, mumble mumble, shuffle shuffle SQUEAK. mumble mumble, mumble mumble, shuffle shuffle BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

16:00

sniffle snuffle, shuffle shuffle, chinstroke chinstroke BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

“Gah!”

“Whats wrong, dear?

“That idiot over there keeps setting off the bloody alarm. How can he not realise it? Look! There he is again, pointing right at the canv…”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

“…as. I’ve a good mind to say something. Idiot.”

“Try to block it out dear. Just enjoy the paintings.”

“How can I enjoy the paintings when…Noooooooooooo! He’s going in again!”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

“Jesus! I tell you if he does that one more time, I am definitely saying something.”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

“I swear to God, just one more time and I’m going over there.”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

“Come on, let’s go. I’ve had enough. I tell you I’ve a right mind to complain. The minute I get home, I am writing those bastards a letter.”

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